Redmond and Asia Bones walked for what seemed like a year, which is a great explanation for why I’m writing this part a year later.
Suddenly, a crow-man burst from the mud in front of them in a spectacular aerial display.
“CULUCKOOK-KOO!” it screeched at them.
Redmond fainted in fear. But Asia Bones was not surprised. The crow-man had been tailing them since they left the skelington town.
It lunged at Asia Bone.
“You keeled my comrades!!!” it crowed with a horrible crow voice.
Asia Bones assumed a defensive stance; two bony fists outstretched, and shouted “FLAME ON!”
Fire erupted from his bone fists and turned into a fucking dragon.
The crow was devoured instantly.
When Redmond awoke, Asia Bones was kneeling over him with as much disappointment in a skull-face as one could imagine.
“What hope do you have of saving your friend, or even surviving this journey, if you faint at the first site of danger?” he asked, with maximum disappointment in his gravelly badass voice.
“I’M SORRY!” weeped Redmond like a pathetic little baby.
“DON’T YOU EVER APOLOGIZE TO ME.” roared Asia Bones, and he grabbed Redmond and tossed him into a tree, splitting it in half.
When Redmond awoke for a second time, Asia Bones stood over him, prepared to scold him.
“APOLOGIZE TO YOURSELF. YOU SET YOUR OWN LIMITATIONS, BOY. EVERY HUMAN HAS A SKELETON INSIDE OF HIM WAITING TO BURST OUT. AND IF IT DOESN’T BURST OUT, YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOOOOOURSEEEEEEEELFFFF!” and THEN, Asia made a really, really spooky face at him and Redmond fainted again.
When he awoke for the third time, he was slung across Asia Bones’s back, nearing the hill where Rasta Rick had launched the flare.
“Ay mon, um glad you could make eet heera. We need to get goin’ down to da ship graveyard.” Rasta Rick rasta’d.
“The ship graveyard?” asked Redmond with stupid curiosity.
“It be what da name implies, mon. A graveyaard ‘o ships.” Rasta Rick explained, and proceeded to drop to the ground and do push-ups.
Asia Bones joined him.
“What are you two doing?”
“Is that a fucking joke?” asked Asia Bones, “We’re getting ready to breath underwater.”
“…By doing push-ups?” asked Redmond stupidly.
“Yes, mon. Fer every push-up you do, you gain da ability to breath underwata fer a minute!”
“That doesn’t make any sense!” retorted Redmond, with uncertainty because there was a skeleton and a magical Rastafarian and nothing really fucking made sense anyway.
“Have you ever even tried it, boy?” snarled Asia Bones.
“So shut up and give me 20. We’re going to be going for a swim to reach old Captain Redbones.”
Redmond relented and dropped into the mud, just barely managing to hit the mark.
“Good goin’, mon. Now let’s get in dey water.” and with that, Rasta Rick jumped 50 feet into the air, and dove into the nearby water.
Asia Bones grabbed Redmond’s hand, and tossed him into the water as well, afterwards diving in after them.
To Redmond’s surprise, he could breath through the water, and proceeded to follow Rasta Rick’s magical glowing dreadlocks, Asia Bones taking up the rear.