Star Wars FanFic

Jesus Christ I havent posted in a while. ill fix that.

Obi: Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Ani: But that was an absolute.

Obi: GEE ANAKIN, YOU’RE SO SMART. Why don’t you choke your pregnant wife some more. You know, the one that you’re so desperate to save that you murdered a bunch of little kids, because some sinister-looking old fuck told you to after he zapped your only black friend out a 1000-story window? “He needs a trial! Errbody deserves a trial! I mean, except for all the people I’m about to kill.” But no, you’re right, /I’M/ the hypocrite for not coming up with a more elegant way of saying “Only a Sith is a fucking asshole” in the heat of the moment as I prepare to cut my good friend and former apprentice’s legs off. You’re being a fucking dick, Anakin.

Ani: Oh my god you’re right, what have I done?

Obi: Look, just chill the fuck out. Take Padme and just get the hell out of here. I’m going to try to rally whatever Jedi I can fin-

Jango: FORGETTING SOMETHING?

errbody: Jango Fett?! You’re definitely not alive.

Jango: Sorry to disappoint you faggot, but the guy that Mace Windu killed was merely a CLONE.

Ani: Oh. my. fucking. god. Best bounty hunter ever.

Jango: That’s right. Remember when I told you you’re fucking dead, kiddo? I wasn’t lying. I have the resources of the entire United States military at my disposable. I graduated top of my class in the Mandalorian Sniper Academy, and I’m trained in Wookie warfare.

Obi: Don’t you mean Tusken warfare?

Jango: No, both of them have a very similar style of gorilla combat.

Ani: Don’t you mean guerr-

Jango: NOW THEN, PREPARE TO DIE.

Palps: NOT SO FAST.

Obi: The Empero-i mean he’s not the Emperor yet!

Palps: That’s right. Just wanted to stop by and see how killing Obi-Wan’s going, Anakin.

Ani: Fuck off old man, I’m through being your dumb kid that you manipulate into committing unspeakably horrible crimes.

Palps: That’s a shame, Anakin, because I was looking for a new apprentice to test out these CROSSGUARD LIGHTSABERS.

Jango: Oh sweet! Dibs!

Palps: Here you are, Jango.

Internet: DUAL-WIELDING crossguard lightsabers? COME THE FUCK ON.

Jango: >implying I can’t do whatever I want to.

Palps: NOW THEN, LET US FINISH THIS.

Pads: Hey I’m going into labor.

Palps: Okay but I don’t care because I’m evil.

Jango: I… also have a child… go.

Palps: What the fuck, bro. I JUST gave you lightsabers.

Jango: And now you’re going to regret the shit out of it.

Palps: *while being wrecked* FUCK! I’M NO MATCH FOR HIS SUPERIOR SPEED AND ALSO HE HAS A JETPACK. AND THOSE CROSSGUARD LIGHTSABERS ARE REALLY GIVING ME HELL!

*Jango slices off the Emper- I mean, you know, whatever. He cuts his head off*

Jango: I DID IT. I SAVED THE GALAXY.

*cue Star Wars theme*

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