Harry drove his broomstick, the Nimble-20k up to Ginny’s shitty house.
He knocked on the door and hid behind a nearby shrub.
Out walked Mrs. Weasley.
Harry snuck up behind her and clobbered her with a stone, yelling “Avatad Kevlar!”
Mrs. Weasley fell to the ground, dead.
Mr. Weasley rushed outside to find out what the ruckus was and saw Harry Potter standing over his dead wife with a bloody rock in his hand.
“Harry, don’t do this,” begged Mr. Weasley, “I will do anything! I am an expert at technolgy! Here, take this gun!”
Mr. Weasley bowed and offered up a P90x- the same gun Tony Horton used when he saved Great Britain from teh Russians. It had a suppressor and a laser sight. The perfect weapon to kill a man who just gave it to you.
HArry shot Mr. Weasley in the head, yelling “Avast Kebaba!”
The Weasley clan was all but extinguished. All that remained was the Ginny, the sexy redhead Harry had lusted after ever since saving her from a stupid giant snake.
Harry burst into her room. She gasped and covered up her nakedness, because she was naked and matsubishiing to the thought of Harry.
“Ginny, I’m sorry. But you’re a Horcrux, and I have to kill you.”
“I know, Harry,” she said sadly, “But please, before you kill me, make love to me.”
The two made love on top of Hagrid’s coat, which Harry had brought with him because it was really warm and perfect as a blanket for banging hot girls, like Hermione and Ginny. Harry’s only regret was that he couldn’t have slept with both of them at once.
After Harry made Ginny come a dozen times, she was about to pass out and said “GOodbye, Harry.”
Harry held back a tear as he put his wad to her face and said “Goodbye Ginny…”
Whichever twin didn’t die in the books came back home and saw Harry crying and naked on top of his dead sister. He rushed at Harry, but Harry had p90x and used it to kill Fred or George instantly.
“My work here is done,” he said, as he put his clothes back on.
He returned to his broomstick and prepared to head to Hogwarts.
TO BE CONTINUED…