My Girlfriend is an Indescribable Eldritch Horror

I asked her,

“Honey, where do you want to go to eat tonight?”

She answered me in such a way that made my brain spasm and my vision blur. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend what I was hearing. Her answer– at least I’ve always assumed it was a her. Her physical presence defies all logic and explanation but I have to believe that her not vibrating my brain into jelly must be a sign of romantic interest– it stunned me in a way that she had not normally done, despite every waking and sleeping moment with her forcing me to hopelessly attempt to reconcile my previous perception of reality with the fact that I laid in bed with something so horrible that there are no words in any language I’ve studied that can hope to begin to describe it.

She wanted to go to Applebee’s.

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