Star Wars: The Fett Awakens part XI

“I’D HOLD ON TO HER CLO-OSE

WITH WHAT LITTLE CONFIDENCE I HA-AVE AND

MAKE NOo MISTAaaAKESSS <3” rocked Gundam Fett as he blasted Resistance scum while listening to his iPod.

“Brooooooo stopppppppp,” said TR-8R as he duked it out with the Resistance clone, who wielded the dreaded supersaber.

“The Order will fall, you fascist scum!” the clone yelled as he swung it wildly, nearly decapitating 8R.

“Yeah, okay, whatever,” said 8R, “FETT I WAS WRONG PLEASE JUST KILL HIM.”

Gundam Fett launched a goddamn missile that flew right into the clone’s dick and blew him up. The supersaber flew through the air and landed in the Mandalorian Chick’s back. Her armor could have stopped a regular lightsaber. But the supersaber cut though it like Mandalorian butter.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” roared Gundam Fett, charging to her side! I was so caught up in that I accidentally typed an exclamation mark. Man, this is serious. yooooooooo.

Gundam Fett held the dying Mandalorian Chick in his arms. She spoke softly.

“You’re cool, I guess,” she said.

” ;___; oh fuck you you cold sassy bitch I love you,” sobbed Gundam Fett as she closed her eyes. Oh wait she was wearing a helmet, so whatever he didn’t see.

“Wow. how romantic. he never even saw her and he loved her,” commented a Resistance scum, “That’s good writing.”

“No, she still had a rockin’ body. It’s safe to assume if she cared that much about it, that she also had an attractive face,” responded another.

“Okay, you’re probably right,” the first responded as he began shooting at Fett again.

But Gundam Fett was mad as hell. No one’s ever been as mad as Gundam freaking Fett was at that moment. He picked up Mandalorian Chick’s knife and launched it so hard into the soldier’s head that it tore it from his neck and flew off into the distance.

“BRING ME BACK THAT KNIFE,” Fett screamed at the remaining soldier, who complied in terror.

“I’m not going to lie, Fett. I feel somewhat responsible for what happened,” said 8R, approaching hesitantly.

“What a coincidence,” replied Fett, “Because I blame you entirely.”

“Well, at least we have the supersaber.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind? We can’t use this weapon. It killed my girlfriend.”

“She really wasn’t even your girlfriend, you kinda just flirted with her. And she didn’t even reciprocate that much.”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“I mean, if that makes someone your girlfriend, then back at the space station, basically everyone’s my girlfriend.”

Gundam Fett ripped off TR-8R’s left arm.

“FUCK! FUCK FUCK OWWWWWWWWWW!” cried 8R.

Gundam Fett slapped him over the head with the severed limb and knocked him out cold.

“You’re such an asshole. I know now that the only way for you to reach your full potential is to become a cyborg like me. That’s a valid excuse for ripping your arm off, I think. Probably.”

 

to be continued…

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