Rasta Rick gasped in horror.
Before him stood a room full of skeletons, half-dressed in Alien disguises. The Aliens were Skeletons all along. Of COURSE, IT ALL MADE SENSE.
They all turned to him and started shrieking at a low-volume.
“‘Ow could dis be, mon? Da last ‘o de skellies died yearsss ahgo,” he said loudly, so he could be heard over the shrieking.
“Isn’t it obvious, Rasta Rick?” said The Skeleton King, appearing from an adjacent room.
“Skel’on King!” gasped Rasta Rick, holding his heart, “Ah saw yew die in da war against de Rhino-men!”
“No, Rasta Rick. You saw what I wanted you to see. I became fed up with humanity’s constant wars. The skeleton people grew tired of being humanity’s protectors. Can’t you see that humanity is the galaxy’s worse cancer? Can’t you see that Rasta Rick? You need to be wiped out, so the rest of us can be free of your oppressive imperialism.
“No mahn, no. Not all humans be like dat. Dey don deserve dis.”
But then the Skeleton King put on a pair of wing-tipped glasses and tweeted #NotAllHumans to make fun of Rasta Rick for not wanting to be generalized. How dare he derail Skeleton King’s legitimate, vague concerns about the sins of all mankind and try to make this conversation about him?
The blow was devastating.
As Rasta Rick fell on to his back, he looked up at the sky and a tear flew from his eye. He had failed. The only thing he had ever cared about was protecting those weaker than him, which was literally everyone. But now, as he drew his final breaths, he knew that there was no hope for the survival of the human race. He hit the ground hard.
Darkness clouded his vision. It was over.
Meanwhile, on the surface of the planet, Robert and the Space Marines had discovered the scientists.
“Thank God you’re here!” cried sexy scientist lady #1
“Don’t thank God,” Space Marine #1 responded, flexing his augmented guns (muscles), “Thank You Scientist.”
“We’ve got to get you out of here,” said Space Marine #2, “So you can create more Space Marines and we can push the aliens back.”
But then sexy scientist lady #2 pulled off her face mask and revealed that she was actually an Alien all along.
“HAHA SUCKERS, I WAS AN ALIEN ALL ALONG!” it shrieked, and it punched Space Marine #2 through the wall.
“Lord almighty what the fuck,” said Space Marine #1 pushing the remaining scientists into a running retreat.
“I thought the Aliens were pussies,” said Rob as they bolted through the corridors, the Alien right behind them.
“I’ve never seen one actually get close enough to physically attack someone,” answered Space Marine #1, “Apparently, they have fucking super-strength.”
The Alien stopped suddenly and put his finger to his ear, as if receiving a message. This was because he was receiving a message.
“Yes, sire,” it said, and it looked up at the humans.
“Hey fuckbois,” it said, “Get a load of this.”
The Alien peeled off its face- yet another mask- revealing his true Skeleton form.
“What the fuck,” said Rob.
Space Marine #1 threw a grenade at the Skelly and they continued retreating.
“They’re supposed to be our allies!” said Sexy Scientist Lady #1.
The group made it to the door, and Space Marine #1 quickly placed an explosive charge, which they detonated once they’d exited, blocking the Alie-Skeleton from continuing after them.
The site before them now was the spookiest shit ever witnessed.
The Aliens were no more- now a horde of Skeleton rushed against the landing zone of the Space-Helicopter. The Irish Pilot and his cohorts were still keeping them at bay, but Jesus Christ it was so spooky. All those bones clicking and clacking. oh lordy lord.
“Aye! They’re back!” said Irish Pilot, “Prepare for launch everyone!”
He fell back into the Space-Helicopter, and the other Space Marines began backing up as the rescue team made it onboard.
“Wait,” said Rob, “Where’s Rasta Rick!?”
[to be continued…]