Tagged: comedy

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Voldemorts part 6

Ron Weasle’s ghost was very pleased with himself.

“I’m so happy Harry Potter’s going to die šŸ™‚ ” he said.

he started dancing, and Voldemort joined in. Albus Potter, psyched to kill his dad, started showing off with his katana and did some sick spins and flips.

but? Snape would have none of this.

“You’ve all forgotten about me, the best potion master who ever lived.”

“Big deal,” said Voldemort, “What can a stupid potion do to stop me now?”

“This,” said Snape, and he drank one and turned into a DINOSAUR SNAPE

“Tyrannosaurus Snape” said Voldemort knowingly, “They said it was just a myth. The perfect magical predator. Agile, quick, with a fashionable black cape and arms long enough to reach out and throttle its prey.”

“What will we do master?!” shrieked Peter Rattigrew.

“What do you mean WE?” demanded Voldemort and he tossed the giant rat-man into the arms of Tyrannosaurus Snape, and the two began to duke it out. But Tyrannosaurus Snape had the upper hand because dinosaurs are stronger than rats, scientifically speaking.

“ALBUS QUICK, you must kill your father before its tool late!!!” screamed Ghost-Weasel, and he held Harry Potter down with his ghost-powers.

“DON’T DO IT SON!” yelled HGarry, “I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DEFEAT VOLDEMORT!!”\

“NO I CAN ALSO DEFEAT HIM!” shrieked Tyrannosaur Snape, ripping out Ratman’s throat with his monstrous chompers.

“Great, then I can do this without consequence!” smiled Albus, and he stabbed Harry in the chest with his lightning katana.

“YESSS!” cried Ron Weasley’s ghost, weeping tears of joy.

but something was wrong. Harry Potter just started laughing.

he looked up and spoke.

“Dumbledor… turn off my pain inhibitors…”

“Are you sure, Harry?” said Dumbledore over the radio.

“DO ITTT.” said Harry, and he tore the katana out his chest,

“LOOKS LIKE IT’S TIME FOR HARRY… TO LET ‘ER RIP!”

“Oh no he’s a cyborg ninja!!!” shrieked Voldemort and he grabbed his broomstick and tried to fly away.

 

but Hary grabbed his leg and slammed him into the ground.

Voldemort coughed up blood and reached out to Albus.

“Don’t let him kill me!” he cried.

Harry held his sword at Voldemort’s throat. Albus cried out to his father.

“You can’t kill him! I need him!”

Harry Potter looked at his son sternly.

“He’s too dangerous to be left alive,” he said wisely.

“Albus… Albus,” coughed Voldemort, “if you let your dad kill me, Delphi will never bang you.”

“HE NEEDS TO STAND TRIAL!” cried Albus.

“You are so full of shit,” wept Harry, and he began to swing his sword– but something stopped him.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Voldemorts part 5

meanwhile,

Ratman Perrigrew grabbed a student and started screaming in his face “TELL ME WHERE THE ROOM OF REPRODUCTION ISSS”

the student pissed his pants and said “it’s on the third floor”

“OK THANKS” and Rattigrew threw him through the ceiling, and took out his walkie-talkie.

“MAster, the room is on the 3rd floor!”

Voldemort screamed. “Thank youĀ Peter, I will now clone myself MUWAHHHAHAHAHAREHAEHAAA WAAARIOOOO!”

He rode his skateboard down the stairs and ended in a kickflip off a girl’s face.

“After I make an army of myself, I’ll be INVINCIBLE.”

“Not. So. fast. Tom.”

Voldemort shrieked and spun around.

“SEVERUS! WHAT ARE ***YOU*** DOING HERE!?!?!?!?!?”

Severus Snape put on his sunglasses and cast Incendio at Tom Riddle’s skateboard, turning it to ashes!

“This is my school Tom. You should have stayed dead.”

“YEAH!” said Harry Potter who took off his invisibility cloak.

Lord Voldemort recoiled in disgust.

“POTTER!”

Harry Potter dabbed.

“The end is here Tom!” and Harry reached for his wand, but it wasn’t there because his son stole it.

“OH NO I FORGOT MY SON STOLE MY WAND.”

“THAT’S RIGHT, FATHER!!!” shrieked Albus Dum I mean Potter, and Albus took of HIS invisibility cloak! whaaat?!

“WHERE DI DYOU GET AN INVISIBLENESS CLOAK?!?!” demanded Harry “AND ALSO YOU’RE EXPELLED!!! AND ALSO GIVE ME MY WAND BACK! YOU’VE GOT 3 THINGS TO EXPLAIN! that’s a LOT!”

Albus Potter dabbed.

“Take a good look FATHER, this is the REAL invisibility cloak! The one you just took off was a cursed one that poisoned you! >:D

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” shouted Harry and he started coughing.

“YESSSSSS!” and now that I am the Master of Doom, I’ll be coming for you NEXT, SNAPE!!!”

Snape drew his dual revolvers.

“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS POTTER JR.???” he demanded pointing his guns at him.

“I’m doing it for a girl,” said Albus.

“NO, THAT’S YOUR MOM ALBUS!” coughed Harry.

“No it’s not you idiot, Voldemort bamboozled you. he bamboozled you both,” said Ghost Ron.

“NO that’s impossible, I’m untrickable!” said Snape.

“Not anymore said Voldemort’ and he took out his wallet and showed him a picture of what the fuc was her name one sec.

Delphi.

“ALBUS HOW COULD U CHOOSE A GRIL OVER YOUR OWN PADRE” begged Harry.

“Because you’re an asshole dad. Mr. Weasley, I’m ready. Bring me the lightning katana.”

Ron Weasley’s ghost laughed.

“Good, good.”

he raised his hand up and a strike of lightning came down and entered his fist. it was a lightning made of pure katana.

this will kill u FOREVER Harry, no comes-backs as a ghost!!!”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

to be continued…

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Voldemorts part 4

Albus Potter had just been expelled from Hogwarts for kissing his mom.

What Co-Headmasters Harry Potter and Severus Snape didn’t know was that Ginny Weasley wasn’t really Ginny Weasley, but Voldemort’s own daughter with her hair dyed red.

Continue reading

The Robot-Boyfriend

“My sensors indicate that you are being a massive bitch right now,” Robo-Mitch revealed.

Sarah slapped him. He felt no pain, because he was a robot.

“I’ll show you ‘bitch!'” she screamed, and kicked him hard in the groin. She broke her shin.

“LMAO. You can’t harm me now that I’ve transplanted my brain into this robot body. I’m fucking invincible!” Robo-Mitch laughed, and turned back to his TV, continuing to play Ignore-Your-Girlfriend 5 on his Playstation VR, where he was doing the exact same thing in-game as he was in real life.

“Wow, so realistic!” he exclaimed.

“If you’re going to keep ignoring me, maybe we should just break up,” Sarah said tearfully.

Robo-Mitch knew she was bluffing. Sure they fought, but their love was stronger than the diamond ring he refused to buy her.

He gestured toward the doorway, still facing the TV.

“It was nice knowin’ ya babe :3 ” he said.

“You asshole!” she yelled and stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

On the way out of the apartment, she almost tripped over the present he’d left for her. She opened it and gagged. In the box, was his heart. No longer necessary in his robot-body, and the perfect token of his adoration for her.

“Fucking gross,” she laughed, and read the card that’d been taped to the box.

It read,

“My dearest Sarah,

You know you’ll always have my heart LOL.

Love, Robo-Mitch”

“Jackass.”

She knew beyond the grotesque joke it was true.Ā Sure, he’d been addicted to that stupid video game for a few days, but besides his stupid obsession with obscure indie video games, he’d been a great boyfriend. Strong, caring, always there when she needed him for the last 3 years now. Her only real problem with him was that he refused to stop calling himself Robo-Mitch.

But after he put his brain inside a robot body, those few weeks ago, something about him changed. Something besides literally everything composing his physical body. His attitude had changed. He’d become more ambitious, more daring. He told her he’d been planning to propose to her. But in his new robot-eyes, the diamond he’d picked out for her didn’t seem enough. He wanted to give her something better than “a stupid stone with poor resell-value.” But what exactly he was planning he refused to tell her until he had it.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Voldemorts part 3